The Malnourishment of Merriment

The malnourishment of R.M.’s merriment
Will begin in precisely 45 minutes!
All personnel to the butcher’s block,
He is surpassing his happiness limit!

We are the Depression Department God dammit;
The most proficient agency in this shlub!
Everything in this loser’s so loosely connected…
Thank god we’re the central hub!

I need your full and undivided attention
So we can go over this one last time.
Everyone, please gather around
And form a straight and orderly line.

For 30 years we have dominated this dunce,
And I’ll be damned if we lose now!
We’ve flawlessly flushed out his finicky joy
So, a loss now I will not allow…

All it takes is a precisely placed nudge
And the rest will naturally ensue;
We start by causing him to second-guess himself
And all the things he likes to do.

His doubt will begin to trickle down
And the needed seeds will be sown.
When that’s done, the next step is easy:
Convincing R.M. that he’s better off alone.

After that, we let things simmer
And really allow him to stew.
When R.M.’s left to his own devices,
A supple sadness will always accrue.

But before that simple stage commences
We have to notify the H&A department;
That’s when the floodgates open up
And Habits & Addiction will be bound for bombardment.

I know they’re a selfish lot
And wouldn’t return the same courtesy,
However, they’re who keep R.M. complacent
So, there’s benefits to their perversity.

At that point, the ship pretty much steers itself,
Then comes another notching for the D-Departments belt.

So, for those who perform to their utmost ability,
I’ll see to it that generous bonuses are dealt.

If you need more motivation than that,
Well, this just isn’t the department for you.
The pride you receive from wrecking this dweeb,
Should be more than enough to see this through. So, on that, I will leave you to it!
You all know what you need to do.
Above all else, just remember our motto:

“Tried & True, Depression always renews!

Everyone thrives when R.M. has the blues!”